Belated
by Miggitdog
Summary: On Shizuru's 30th birthday, the pains of her past come back to haunt her once more.
1. Dredging Up the Past

Hey Peeps. Well, I was supposed to be working on stuff for my CH-verse, but I got distracted with this. I was looking back on my CH days, back when a few select people flipped out on me for being 'too dark'. The thought struck me that CH wasn't really all that dark, and besides, dark isn't really all that bad. Then I figured that I could really piss some people off, and so here I think I shall. I've done a few oneshots that begin in a similar way ot this one, so if you know where this is going and don't like it, discontinue reading it. That's the warning I'm going to give.

**Disclaimer: Self-defense pepper spray may irritate eyes.**

* * *

It was early, Shizuru wasn't sure of the exact time, and she could not bring herself too look over at the clock. It was too comfortable, curled up under the warm blankets, her love snuggling close to her. She sighed contentedly, shifting to watch each breath the sleeping beauty took. Slow, even, peaceful, with only the occasional snore to mar the perfection as she slumbered on. Shizuru felt the corners of her lips tug upward in a small smile; she lightly brushed the dark hair away from the eyes that she loved to stare into so much. They were closed now, of course, but the lids fluttered lightly.

After a few moments, Shizuru flicked her gaze back up at the ceiling. Today was a big day, her birthday. But not just any old birthday, 30. She was turning 30. It was hard for her even to imagine.

How had she slipped through her 20s so quickly? Time flew, she supposed, when one was content, and she was indeed content. She shifted slightly, and a particularly loud snore rent the air. She smiled again, she did that a lot now, far more than she used to.

Her mind flicked back to the dream that had awakened her. It hadn't been a bad dream exactly, just strange; familiar yet almost alien. It reminded her of that which she had not thought of in years, the Carnival. How young she had been back then, how foolish. The line of thought this led her down made her cringe, and she even whimpered, suppressing unpleasant memories. The moan, though quiet, was still enough to awaken the woman who held her so tightly.

"Shizuru?" The quiet mumble asked, "You okay?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Shizuru whispered back. "Go back to sleep." She gazed at the sleepy eyes, and felt calm. This was her present, this was what mattered.

"What time is it?"

"I don't know." Shizuru finally looked over at the clock, "6ish."

"Ish?" The playful smart-ass tone was not lost through the yawn that accompanied it.

"Yeah ish." Shizuru kissed her lightly. "Sorry to have woken you."

"Ah well, I'm awake now, aren't I?" A mischievous spark lit up her soft blue eyes. "Can't just go back to sleep now can I, Shiz?"

"Mm, no I don't think so, Tori." Shizuru grinned.

"Well, it is your fault," She grinned back, "What do you suggest we do about this?"

"Hm…I just don't know."

"Really?" Tori kissed her softly, "No idea whatsoever what we should do now that we're awake?"

"No, I can't think of a single thing to do." This kiss deepened.

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to come up with something then, won't we?"

"Mm…"

* * *

It was nearly 10:30 when Shizuru awoke again. She looked at the clock and giggled quietly. Tori was on her stomach, now snoring loudly. Shizuru quietly slipped from the bed, and stuck feet into soft fuzzy slippers so she would not have to touch the cool hardwood floors. She pulled on a pair of sweats and an over sized tee shirt, and glided out of the room.

She entered the bathroom and eyed herself in the mirror, warily. She didn't look any older than she had the day before, at least, not in her opinion. She didn't really feel older. _It's like,_ she thought, _when you're a little kid, and you see the older kids and imagine what you'll be like when you're their age, when you're as big as them, and suddenly you are, but you don't feel any bigger than you used to. You just kind of grow into it._

She contemplated her hair; she didn't really feel like taking the thick, tangled frizzy mess and making it into the usual perfect, soft look, she showed the public. She usually spent hours washing combing, straightening and styling to achieve that look. She smiled to herself. It was after all, her birthday, and she wasn't going anywhere, at least not until later, so she might as well treat herself to a break this morning. So she simply grabbed a scrunchie and put it up in a loose ponytail.

Shizuru wandered into the kitchen, and was in the midst of trying to decide what kind of tea to make, when Tori sauntered blearily into the room.

"Oh damn." Tori hadn't bothered to get dressed, just a bra and a pair of boxers were enough for her. She brushed her shoulder length dark purple hair from her face. Shizuru was so envious of it, soft and wavy, all it took was a light brushing in the morning and Tori was good to go. "Why is it you always wake up first?"

"Haven't we had this conversation before?" Shizuru raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I suppose so." Tori giggled, "Well, damn Shizuru, I was really trying to wake up first today."

Shizuru was slightly puzzled, "Why?"

"I wanted to do something special for you, like breakfast in bed or something." Tori shrugged. "Didn't really think it through that much."

"Do you ever?"

"Nope." Tori wrapped her arms around Shizuru's waist, "But in all seriousness, Shizuru," she leaned in real close, "Happy Birthday."

Their lips were just about to meet when the doorbell rang. They froze.

"How cliché." Shizuru muttered.

"You know," Tori pulled away, resigned, "You think clichés only happen in fiction, but then one will just punch you in the face." She glanced down, "I hate to ask you to get the door on your birthday, but I'm not really dressed for it." She was right of course.

"Ara, no matter." Shizuru pecked her quickly, "Go get dressed while I answer the door."

"Aw, do I have to _Mom_?" Tori rolled her eyes dramatically, but then smiled.

"Yes, yes you do. You are not hiding from company again."

"Or maybe I will just get the door!" Tori triumphantly walked toward the entrance, but Shizuru caught her arm and lightly spun her back. "Oh alright, it is your birthday." With a wink Tori disappeared into the hallway.

Shizuru shook her head lightly, still smiling at Tori's antics. Of course this sort of thing was the usual occurrence; but it wasn't like Shizuru minded it or anything. With a small sigh she strode to the door, and opened it absentmindedly.

"Hel-" She stopped mid-word, her eyes widening.

_Oh..._

Natsuki stood on her porch step. Shizuru's mind was trying to process this.

Dressed in Converse, faded blue jeans, a tee and a plain leather jacket, Natsuki's shoulders were slumped, and her cobalt hair was quite a bit longer than Shizuru remembered. In one arm, she carried a gleaming blue helmet, and a package wrapped in brown paper rested in the other. She shifted nervously from foot too foot, not meeting Shizuru's eyes.

"H-hey, Shizuru," She spoke quietly.

"Hey, Natsuki," Shizuru replied in a whisper.

Shizuru's mind was churning; she was drawing a blank on what to do. She had not laid eyes on Natsuki in over 11 years, and she just did not know how to feel. It occurred to her that her dream had been a hint, an ominous reminder that was ignored.

There were another few long moments of silence, broken by Tori, who skidded down the hall, in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

"Sorry 'bout that, Shiz." She turned to their guest, "Hi, wha-" Her sentence died in her throat as she recalled Shizuru's descriptions and recognized Natsuki from them. She glanced at Shizuru's slack jaw, wide eyes, and decided to take initiative. "Hi. I'm Tori." She held out her hand to Natsuki, but shrugged, embarrassed as she saw her arms were full.

Natsuki cleared her throat nervously, "I'm Natsuki, it's nice to meet you."

"Ditto." Tori kissed Shizuru lightly on the cheek, "Cat got your tongue?"

At the feel of Tori's lips brushing her cheek, Shizuru felt the pit of her stomach relax, she had not realized the pressure that had been slowly building up, as if stones were being dropped one by one into it, until it was released. She felt her whole body relax, as the warmth of the kiss spread. She realized her mouth was hanging open, and she snapped out of her daze.

"Natsuki, it's been…a long time." Shizuru was horrified to find herself smiling. It wasn't one of the real smiles she was so prone too these days, but one of the false smiles she had once used to hide her feelings from the world. She felt sick, doing it, but hid her disgust; neither Natsuki nor Tori had seen the phony expression.

"Ye-yeah, it has." Natsuki paused a moment, her face set, eyebrows tugging together slightly as she drew up some courage. Shizuru had forgotten how ridiculously easy it was to read her. Finally, releasing a puff of air, she looked up at Shizuru's face. "Happy Birthday, Shizuru." She fumbled with the package, holding it out to Shizuru, who took it, careful not to touch Natsuki's hands.

"Thank you, Natsuki." Shizuru looked to Tori, a silent communication passing between them.

"Would you like to come in for tea, Natsuki-san?" Tori asked her kindly.

"Uhm, no, no thank you, I've really," Natsuki began edging way slowly, "Got to be…"

"Please come in, Natsuki." Shizuru said quietly, even as Natsuki turned to scramble away.

"I…" Natsuki returned her gaze to Shizuru, "I suppose a few minutes won't…" She mumbled something, and slowly followed Shizuru and Tori into their house.

* * *

A/N: Bwahahahahaha! Oh what have I done? What am I doing? I'm such a terrible person!!! xD I have a feeling some psycho ShizNatter might just try to assasinate me (maybe even myself), but I don't care, this is going to be damn fun! Wahahahaha!


	2. Dark Times

Not much to say at 3 AM, except that this is where we're getting some of that lovely darkness I promised. I should probably proofread it, but I'm too tired right now, and I want to post it now so, oh well.

:P

**Disclaimer: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.

* * *

**

It was awkward. Natsuki shifted uncomfortably on Shizuru's couch, once more avoiding Shizuru's eyes.

Tori coughed, "Well, I'll uh, let you two catch up a bit, eh? I'll get the tea started." And with that she hurriedly slipped from the room.

The silence stretched for several seconds, until Natsuki got up the nerve to speak, "It's been awhile."

"Yeah," Shizuru's hands were clenched into fists so tight her knuckles were nearly white. "What brings you back, now?"

Natsuki shifted again, "Well, I just…I was in town, and I remembered it was your birthday…I'm sorry, Shizuru, for…everything."

"Sorry?" Shizuru could feel a nostalgic rage building within her, "For what? Breaking my heart? Leaving without saying goodbye? Disappearing off the face of the Earth for over a decade and then just waltzing back into my life?!" Shizuru felt the emotion flow out from the distant past. She had not felt these things in years, but with Natsuki's reappearance, she suddenly could not contain them.

"I…Shizuru…" Natsuki couldn't think of what to say.

"Why?" It was a whisper so low, Natsuki barely caught it.

Shizuru felt tears trying to fill her eyes, but she pushed them back, not wanting to cry now…not now.

Natsuki didn't say anything, what could she ever say?

"Was it because of what I did?"

* * *

_It began innocent enough. Quietly watching out for Natsuki from the sidelines, helping her where she could. But then she had had to rescue Natsuki from Nao's misguided revenge. It was a slippery slope down from there._

_Haruka. God it was easy to hate her. Shizuru felt ill looking at her. Her own carefully built defenses, hiding away her true feelings with a deceptive mask, as effective as they were, she could never tell Natsuki how she felt. Then there was Haruka, with her bossy ways, strong confidence, and ability to see what she wanted and go get it for herself. Standing there, smug, knowing Shizuru's greatest weakness and shoving it in her face, then insulting Natsuki. Shizuru could feel her grip on herself unraveling slowly. Natsuki's discovery of her feelings ripped Shizuru's control to shreds…her horror and rejection snapped the last threads on Shizuru's sanity. It had been easy, too easy to take it out on Yukino and Haruka. Shizuru felt insane joy spread through her as she called Kiyohime and destroyed Yukino's Child with one fell sweep of her Naginata. Watching Haruka die was almost fun…Shizuru's crazed thoughts told her that that bitch thoroughly deserved what she got. But Yukino…for a moment Shizuru's sanity tried to wrench control back as Haruka hit her one final time. _NO!!! What if that happened to you? What if you had to watch Natsuki die? How could you do that to someone? _Her insanity ripped control back almost instantly, as Haruka vanished. Shizuru could not let that happen, no matter what, Natsuki must be protected._

_Their blood dripped slowly from the razor edge of her blade; it covered the ground with the stain that was once life. Kiyohime reaped havoc on the building behind her, fires spreading rapidly, cutting off al exits for any fools who thought they could escape. She looked down at the bodies strewn over the floor. They had been no match for her; crumpling the instant her naginata touched them. Pathetic. Still, their strength lay in numbers, and those numbers were now depleted. First District, Ha! More like last, dead last. She was walking among them, making sure none had escaped the piercing swipe, it wouldn't do to leave any survivors; they might hurt Natsuki…_her_ Natsuki. It was then that she glanced up and saw her reflection in a broken window pane. Her hair was pristine, and so surprisingly was her kimono. Not a single drop of blood on it. Good, it would not do to be a bloody mess. But something was wrong. Somewhere inside her, some little piece of sanity was screaming at her. _STOP!_ Her eyes, they were wrong. Something in them was not right, and that piece of sanity was trying to tell her, she was mad, crazy, irrational. Perhaps she might have tried to hold on to reason, perhaps she would have realized then that she was just another puppet in a twisted game, despite her efforts to avoid just that. But she didn't. She heard the soft groan of fear, and turned. A man was holding a small boy as still as he could, attempting to stop him from screaming. They were shivering, wide eyed, hiding under a desk. Raising her naginata, Shizuru's eyes gleamed, a wicked deranged smile played across her lips. _For my love, for Natsuki_._

_Then there was Nao. She had survived Shizuru's first attack somehow. And what did she do? She foolishly tried to use Natsuki as bait for Shizuru. Like the outcome would actually be different this time, like she could defeat Shizuru .And now, here she was, causing Natsuki pain once more; there was only one way to deal with that. Her boastful claims that she only cared for herself were undone with the death of her Child. Lucky for Nao, Natsuki was kind, saved her from her wretched demise. Oh well. There were always more fools who were trying to hurt her to take care of…_

_

* * *

  
_

Shizuru shivered at the memories. "All those people…"

Natsuki tried to speak, "I…Shizuru…"

"I didn't realize…" Shizuru felt her eyes moistening, "It was my own fault. I was young, so young, foolish…"

Tori had silently returned to the room. She placed the tea on the table, and sat down beside Shizuru. Shizuru felt better as Tori wrapped an arm around her.

"I never really told you about it, did I?" Shizuru looked up at her.

"No," Tori replied slowly, "And you don't have to now, if you don't want to." She smiled lightly.

"I should." Shizuru stared off into space. "Natsuki? I thought about it, for a long time, after you left. At the church, our…final confrontation, you didn't just do it because it was the only way to get both of our pillars up and let Mai stop the star. You thought, we'd be dead and you wouldn't ever have to worry about…my feelings again." Shizuru's eyes glittered with tears, "Why, why didn't you just tell me? After it was all over…why did you insist on trying…if it wasn't what you really wanted?" Tori gripped her hand lightly, comforting Shizuru.

"Shizuru…I…it was all happening so fast, I…You're right." Natsuki did her best to look Shizuru in the eye, "I did think that I would never have to worry about it again. But, what I said was true, I cared for you, just not…the same way. When we were revived, I, I really did want to try…but I was afraid."

"You were afraid?" Shizuru laughed humorlessly, "You were afraid? So instead of talking to me, of explaining how you felt, you just up and disappear one day, no note, no goodbye, nothing? Natsuki, it ripped me to shreds." A few tears slipped down Shizuru's cheeks, "I was a wreck for years; sometimes I think it was worse than the Carnival. And, after all that, I see now, it wasn't real love…no…it was real, at the time, but it wasn't the kind of love…it was thoughtless young love." Tears were now streaming down her face, and she whispered, "Thank God for you, Tori. I might have wallowed in that horrible place forever." Then she stood up abruptly, "Please excuse me, Natsuki." Shizuru rushed from the room, leaving Tori and Natsuki sitting in quiet shock.

"I'm…sorry," Natsuki mumbled, getting to her feet, "I knew it was a bad idea to come back. I…sorry." With that she rushed from the house, fighting back her own tears.


	3. Broken

Hey folks, been a bit, eh? Well I've been working on this one on and off, but as usual, real life got in the way a bit. Luckily, I only have seven days of school left before my summer break (yay!) so hopefully I'll have more time on here. This chapter runs a bit long, and 95 percent of it is a flashback. The reason it's as long as it is is because I wanted to detail it as best I could. Despite that though, I personally think it's a bit lacking, though I'm not sure what I ought to do to improve it. So this may be one of the ones on my list to fix later, but I'm posting it now because I want to finish this story, and who knows, maybe that's just me being anal, and it works. -shrugs- Anywa,y enough of my ramblings, here!

**Disclaimer:** Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it.

* * *

Tori stood, momentarily alone. She looked in the direction of the bedroom, where Shizuru was no doubt trying to get a handle on herself. Shizuru would want to be alone for a few minutes; she would need some time to herself to sort everything out. Tori came to a decision, and strode out the front door. She looked both directions, spotting Natsuki running up the sidewalk. Tori stretched her long arms over her head. She had been quite athletic in high school, a star of the track team. She had not run much in recent years, but she was confident she could catch up to Natsuki. She slid into a familiar running stance, took a deep breath, and ran.

* * *

Natsuki was not going very fast, she was taking shallow breaths and trying to hold back tears. She finally shuddered to a stop at the edge of a local park. She looked around, there was a playground, and a ways off across a stretch of grass was a garden, complete with a pond and some benches. There were a few people sitting on the benches, but no kids on the playground, so she headed for the swings. She sat down with a huff, and swung a little, not very high, just so she was moving.

She was not sure how she should feel. She had _known_ it was not a good idea to come here today. So, _why_ had she done it?

She sat in silence, scuffing her shoes in the sand for a few moments. The sound of steps approaching didn't surprise her somehow. She looked up to see Tori staring at her.

Tori sat down in the other swing, and stared at her feet for a few moments. She was taking slow, even breaths, sweat beaded her brow, and she wiped it off on her sleeve with a quick motion. Finally she looked up at Natsuki, her blue eyes piercing her somehow, making Natsuki flinch, though Tori's expression was not at all angry.

Finally, Tori spoke, her voice low, "She deserves a lot better than what you've done."

Natsuki remained silent, it was true.

"You have not earned the chance to walk back into her life." Tori sounded sad, "Do you even know what you did to her?"

Natsuki dropped her head into her hands, feeling the tears welling up again.

"Maybe I should tell you," Tori's voice sounded very far away, "What she was like when I met her."

* * *

_8 Years Ago_

_It was one of those days when the weather doesn't seem to know what it wants to do. It was bright and sunny in the morning, so Tori went to visit the grave of her recently deceased grandfather. He had been her favorite relative; kind, and understanding, he had accepted her for who she was more than anyone else. She lost herself in prayer at his grave, she didn't know for how long. When she opened her eyes she was startled to see the sky had turned a threatening grey, getting darker by the moment as huge storm clouds rolled over the land. _

_She quickly headed out of the cemetery, her jacket and umbrella were both in her car, and it was a far walk. Out of respect for the dead, Tori did not run, even when it began to rain big fat raindrops pounding the ground. She would have kept going straight toward her car, had she not had trouble seeing through the rain and slipped on the muddy path. With a surprised yelp, she fell face first into the muck. She got up to her knees and tried to wipe the mud from her eyes, but it was all over her hands and it didn't help. She turned her face skyward, to let the rain wash it from her face._

_It hurt, the rain was heavy, but soon she found her eyes clear enough to see. And through the haze of rain, she spotted a woman, standing not too far off the path, staring at a grave, seemingly oblivious to the rain. Normally, Tori would have left her to mourn in peace, but the rain was coming down hard, and lightning flashed angrily across the horrid black sky. So, Tori stumbled to her feet, and walked toward the woman. She stopped a respectable distance from her. She looked pathetic. Her wet hair hung straight down around her face, she was thoroughly soaked. Tori cleared her throat, and the woman whipped around to face her. Her bright crimson eyes were wild, her expression that of a wounded animal; scared, angry, in pain. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she stared at the woman who had disrupted her grief._

"_I'm so sorry," Tori's quiet voice carried through the rain, "but, this storm looks dangerous," her words were highlighted by a particularly close flash of lighting._

_The woman spoke, her voice sounding haggard, "Thank you." And with that she turned back to the grave, and continued whatever silent mourning she had been in the midst of. Tori sighed and continued on to her car, which was not far at this point. _

_There was a homeless man standing out of the rain, in the archway that was the entrance to the cemetery. Tori dug in her pocket and gave him a little cash. He smiled; his teeth were crooked and yellow. She smiled back and continued on._

"_Hey Miss!" She turned back toward his call. He gestured back into the cemetery, "You were talking to the ghosty."_

"_The ghosty?" She asked, puzzled, walking back under the arch, and seeing the woman, a distance away, still standing in the rain._

"_Yeah," He nodded, "She's out there everyday, not always starin' at the same grave neither. Been like that since I kin 'member. Always alone, I ain't never seen her talk to no one afore, thought she mighta been invisible to everyone else."_

"_She's out there everyday?"_

"_Yep. What'd she say to ya?"_

_Tori was silent a moment, "She thanked me."_

"_Wow, you gots the praise of a ghost, and you gave me money." His eyes widened, "Are you a goddess?"_

"_I don't think so." Tori said absently, staring out at the woman. "Do you know what she's called?"_

"_Who?"_

"_Uh, the ghost?"_

"_There's a ghost?! Where?" He panicked, and fled the graveyard, stumbling away in the rain._

"_Thanks." Tori called after him. She looked back at the graveyard, but the woman had vanished. "Maybe she really is a ghost."_

_With another sigh, Tori finally arrived at her car. By then, the sky was only a light grey, the rain a mere drizzle, and the lightning had ceased. Tori was almost loathe to get her car wet, but she wrung out her shirt as best she could and sat on her jacket as she drove home. _

_-  
_

_That night, as she lay awake, all Tori could think about was the woman. Could she really have been a ghost? Doubtful, the homeless man was obviously a nutter. But still, the tortured expression her face wore was so horrible; Tori couldn't imagine living with such pain that could cause it. She struggled to fall asleep, but it evaded her, until it was very late, or very early, and she drifted off into a light sleep. The woman filled her fitful dreams here as well, and she woke not long after._

_There was only one thing for it. At 8AM, the earliest she had ever voluntarily gotten up on a weekend day, Tori drove back to the cemetery. Today, the sun was shining lightly through the light grey clouds, and the fuzzy rain seemed to float down._

_Tori wore her sweatshirt and took her umbrella with her. She stood in the archway, and looked around for the woman. She was not where she had been the day before; she was in the opposite direction, staring at a different grave, farther off. Tori took a deep breath, and walked toward her. She was not sure what she should say. Despite the tortured expression, Tori had seen a haunting beauty in this woman, and she should not suffer. Tori stood a good distance behind the woman, watching her. She seemed to be staring at two different graves, every now and then her weight would shift as she switched which her gaze was locked on. Other than that slight movement, the woman was stone. Tori committed the names on the graves to memory, and after several minutes, while Tori was still trying to decide what to say, the woman spoke, "Can I help you?"_

_Tori considered for a moment, then walked up to her, staring into her crimson eyes. "Are you a ghost?"_

_The woman's eyes widened for a moment; then she spoke, "Yes."_

_Tori nodded, looking at the ground, "Do you have a name?"_

"_I did once, before…" Her gaze returned to the grave in front of her._

"_What was it?"_

"_What?" The woman seemed to snap out of a trance._

"_What was your name?"_

_The woman smiled sadly, "I don't remember."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_I don't miss it." Her eyes turned hard and her gaze drifted back to the grave, and remained there._

_Tori backed off, watching her for another moment, "I'm Tori." And she turned and trotted out of the cemetery. As she reached the arch, she looked back; the woman was staring at her, her eyes glistening with tears._

_-  
_

_Tori drove to the nearest coffee shop she could find and went in, her laptop under her arm. She ordered an espresso and sat down in a secluded corner, opening her laptop. She googled the names on the graves, and found articles on an accident that had happened three years before. There had been a horrible fire in an office building, the buildings structure had been faulty, and it collapsed down on top of nearly three hundred people before anyone could escape. The two graves the ghost was staring at belonged to a young single dad and his son. _

_Tori leaned back with her espresso thoughtfully. For a moment she though the woman must have loved the man, or maybe that was her son, but no. It wasn't about the man and his son; the woman had been staring at a different grave the day before. No, it was about the accident somehow. Was she supposed to be in that building? Was the fire somehow her fault? Tori finished off her espresso with a sigh. She was not sure what it was. Something about the woman would not let her just forget about her. She got up and went to order a coffee to take to the poor woman, but as she opened her mouth to order it, she stopped. How was she to know how the woman took her coffee? Black, sugar, milk, both? Tori's eyes rose to the menu and she shrugged and ordered one coffee and one tea, the woman could have her pick._

_-  
_

_When Tori got back to the graveyard, the rain was once more pounding down hard. She was glad she had a cardboard cup carrier; she wouldn't have managed with both cups and her umbrella otherwise. She found the woman still standing in the same spot. Tori approached her slowly, holding her umbrella so it covered both of them. The woman looked up at her, and Tori smiled._

"_Would you like some tea, or coffee?"_

_The woman looked away for a moment, then back at her. "Tea, please."_

_Tori held the correct cup out to the woman, and felt her cool hands as she took the cup._

"_You lied to me." Tori said, thoughtfully, sipping the coffee._

"_What?"_

"_You're not a ghost."_

"_I'm not alive anymore, so what else could I be?"_

"_Lonely?"_

_The woman didn't respond, staring down at the grave before her. Finally she whispered, "You may be right."_

"_Don't worry, I'm here now," Tori wasn't exactly sure what she meant._

_They stood in silence for a long time; it was nearly dark, when all the coffee caught up with Tori. The rain had subsided, and the world smelled bright and new. _

"_I'm sorry, I've got to go; will you be here tomorrow?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Bye!" Tori turned to leave._

"_Shizuru."_

_Tori about-faced, "What?"_

"_That was my name; Shizuru."_

"_It's nice to meet you, Shizuru." Tori left smiling._

_-  
_

_The next day, when Tori arrived, the sun was bright, only a few white fluffy clouds in the distance. She saw the homeless man from before, once again perched under the archway. _

"_Hey Miss!" He grinned, "Thanks fer helpin' me out the other day."_

"_No problem."_

"_Hey, uh, what'd you do to the ghosty?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I sawr her out there earlier, but then she like, fell. I ain't never seen the ghosty fall afore." His eyes widened with panic,"You's a witch in disguise!" He fled once more, mumbling something about black magic.  
_

_Tori felt the pit of her stomach drop, and she rushed into the graveyard, preying for forgiveness for disturbing the dead as her feet pounded across the graves, her eyes searching. She spotted her, lying face down before a grave, sobbing._

_Tori approached her, and after a moments pause as she decided if it was the right thing to do, knelt next to the weeping woman and held her. Shizuru tried to choke out an explanation, but Tori quieted her with soothing words that it was going to be alright, and to get the crying out._

_After a few moments, she spoke, "I…try so hard…not to cry."_

"_Oh, no, let it out, you can't bottle up your feelings, they just build up and get worse and worse. Let yourself wash them away, they'll cleanse your spirit. If you're brave enough to let them out, you can forgive, and then heal."_

"_I can't. It was…all my fault." She broke down in sobs once more._

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_I…no." She squeezed her eyelids tightly, "No! I just want to forget again. You know," she laughed almost hysterically, "the really pathetic thing about all of this, is that, it's not about them," She gestured at the graves, "It's not about that…accident. I'm just using them to hide from…" Shizuru broke down, unable to speak as she cried in Tori's arms for several minutes. When she looked up at Tori she smiled weakly, "Thank you."_

_She sat up and began wiping her eyes, and as she did so, a blank look came across her face._

"_No!" Tori grabbed her wrist lightly and pulled it from her face, "Don't. Don't go back into yourself again, please. I don't want to see you suffering."_

"_Why do you care?"_

"_No one should have to suffer, at least not alone."_

_Shizuru watched her for a moment, then the mask she had been trying to build crumbled off her face, "I don't…know what I did wrong. She…said she wanted to try. After what happened, I don't know that I would have made it very far, if not for her. I probably would have ended up in this graveyard permanently. She was my rock. And then she was gone. No note, no goodbye, just gone."_

_Tori used her thumb to clear a tear streaming down Shizuru's cheek. "How long ago?"_

"_Two and a half years. I've been coming here every day since, trying to forget. You know, people don't believe in love at first sight. They think it's a fairy tale. But, it exists. I felt it, when I first saw her, the problem is, it usually doesn't happen to both people, just one. That's why it rarely works out."_

"_What was her name?"_

_Shizuru's lip twitched, "Natsuki." And she lost herself to the tears once more._


	4. Presence

Terribly sorry I haven't been here on FF in so long. I've recently been caught up in a storm of awesome webcomics (My favorites, for those interested, include: Girly, Yu + Me: Dream, I Was Kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space, The Phoenix Requiem, Bear Nuts and Questionable Content) and then I went backpacking. Also, this summer I've been painting, and sleeping and reading and been lazy and done chores and complained that Brandi Carlile isn't coming to my town on her fall tour, and all the while trying to work on my novel, which isn't coming along so good at the moment...so you can't really blame me too much for being too busy to be on.

Anyway, this one's a bit short I know, but this is what you get so...

**Disclaimer: Hammers may be harmful if swallowed.**

* * *

Natsuki had remained silently slumped in her swing throughout Tori's story. She finally sighed, a few tears dripping down her nose onto the cool sand that littered the ground. "Damn, I really fucked that up didn't I?"

Tori sighed, "To err is human. We all mess up, right? It's just… Shizuru spent ages trying to cope with you gone, and now you're suddenly back, bringing all kinds of memories, probably not all bad, and before she has a chance to process all of this, you're trying to disappear on her again."

"I shouldn't have…I mean, damn, you seem pretty perfect, she's lucky to have you."

"No, I'm not at all perfect," Tori gazed at her feet, "I fucked up a lot too, before I met her, I think she makes me a better person."

"Yeah, she'll do that."

They sat in silence for several moments.

"I asked her about it, once, the whole graveyard mess. All she would tell me was that the accident was all her fault, because she couldn't cope with losing you once, and she was afraid since she had lost you for good, something else bad might happen, so she stood and stared at those graves, constantly reminding herself of what could happen if she lost it again."

"God…If I'd known…"

"Don't say that. What happened, happened, and no one can change it. You made your choice, and she made hers."

"I know," Natsuki looked up, "Thank you for…telling me, I…never realized quite the extent of the damage I caused."

"Will you wait here?" Tori stood, and Natsuki noticed for the first time how tall she was, though her figure was slight, she was a lot taller than Natsuki had first taken her to be.

"Um?"

"I'm going to check on Shizuru, and if she's ready, I think the two of you need to have a talk."

"Yeah, I'll wait here."

"Good, because if you just ditch her again, I'm going to have to track you down and give you a pummeling." Tori's left hand cracked into her right in demonstration.

Natsuki eyed her height, for a moment fearful, but then saw Tori laughing.

"No! I was never much good in a fight, that's more up Shizuru's alley," Tori winked, smiling as she trotted away.

Natsuki sat rather stunned, unsure if the last statement was a threat as well. She sighed, and pulled her ipod out of her pocket, prepared to wait as long as it took.

* * *

Shizuru wiped the tears from her eyes, and looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She was being pathetic. After everything that had happened, all the time that had passed, she had though she was over all of this. She had thought it was all in her past, but opening the door and seeing Natsuki was a huge slap in the face, and it really stung.

For a moment her instincts told her to go back to that graveyard, stare at what she had done, use that pain to block the pain Natsuki caused her, but that urge soon died. She didn't need that anymore. The void that had filled her heart with Natsuki's departure was no more. Tori was there, filling in the hole, and much more, that pain was long past.

Shizuru stared at her reflection, she was slightly confused. She used to love Natsuki. She had spent so much time brooding over her, suffering for an unrequited love, that it was ingrained in her character. Natsuki was part of her, faded and forgotten, but there just the same.

Now Shizuru wasn't sure how she should feel about Natsuki. Should she be angry or weepy, should she offer renewed friendship or turn a cold shoulder. All she knew was that she felt no inclination to abandon Tori and chase after Natsuki, none at all. Tori was her life, and she loved her with every ounce of her being, Tori completed her in a way Natsuki never had.

Still Natsuki's presence brought forth these strange confused feelings, and Shizuru knew she would have to deal with them somehow, lest she fall back into depression.

With a small sigh, she returned to the living room, she had heard Natsuki's hasty escape, and Tori scurrying after her. She wasn't really sure what Tori was going to do, she wouldn't attack Natsuki. Tori wouldn't even kill spiders, which she hated, instead catching them in a cup and releasing them outdoors.

Looking around the empty room, she spotted the small package, still sitting on the coffee table. Shizuru paused for a moment, considering whether or not she dared open it. Her curiosity finally overcame her wariness, and she picked it up. Carefully she undid the tape on the paper and pulled it off the box, which she then opened. She set the present she found inside it on the table, and sat down, unable to take her eyes off of it for several long minutes.

Then she promptly burst into tears.


	5. Absolution

My goodness, it's been months, I'm so sorry. After all my computer crap, then months of writers block, I've finally managed to end this the way I wanted to. I'm not entirely sure that it makes complete sense though, to someone who hasn't been obsessing over it as long as I have, anyway. Tell me if it's too confusing in places, and maybe I can tweak it, but overall I am satisfied with it.

**Disclaimer: Do not use silly putty as ear plugs.**

* * *

Tori jogged up to the house, brushing her hair from her eyes, reminded once again that it was in need of a cut. She opened the door and was about to call out to Shizuru, but the sound of sobs stopped her. She entered quietly, and found Shizuru, tears streaming down her face, a small object on the table before her. Tori saw the ripped brown paper on the floor, and her stomach dropped with dread. Shizuru looked up at her, smiling sadly.

"Hey," Tori said lamely.

"Hey." There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"She's waiting, if you want to talk to her." Tori finally managed.

"Thank you." Shizuru carefully wiped the remains of the tears from her face, she had stopped crying. She carefully picked up the object and held it up for Tori to see.

It was a woodcarving of two mythological beasts, entwined. One seemed to be a large wolf; the other some sort of many headed-squid. Tori did not recognize either of them, and looked to Shizuru questioningly. "This is…was the moment; that make it or break it moment when fate is decided. I get it now. At the time I thought we had made it, and that's why I was so confused when she left. But it was broken before then, and I didn't see it until now. Kiyohime," she pointed to the squid, smiling fondly, "I'd forgotten, I wonder whatever happened to…" She shrugged, but continued smiling, "I understand now, and I need to talk to her, thank you Tori." Shizuru gripped her in a tight hug. "I'll be back soon."

"Take as long as you need, love." Tori kissed her on the forehead; "I'll make some food."

"Thank you," With that, Shizuru put on a light jacket and some sandals and left, the carving still clutched in her hands.

Tori stood for a moment, thinking. She wasn't in the least worried anymore. Something had changed with the sight of the carving; Shizuru would be okay. Still…Kiyohime…Tori knew the story, the woman who had transformed into a sea-serpent and killed the priest who had scorned her. After a moment of reflection, Tori shrugged, Shizuru would explain if she really wanted to. With that thought, she headed for the kitchen, trying to decide what to make.

* * *

Natsuki saw Shizuru as she arrived at the edge of the park. Nervously, she got up from her swing and looked around. The people who had been lingering around the garden pond had drifted away. Natsuki looked at Shizuru, and gestured in that direction. Shizuru changed her path, and Natsuki started in that direction as well. They arrived at an empty bench at nearly the same time. Natsuki sat down as far to one side as she could manage. Shizuru sat down right next to her.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Natsuki spoke, "Are you okay?"

"I am, better now than I have been. I thought I was doing alright, but for years I've been suppressing things, and now, I feel as if their weight has lifted, so, thank you."

Natsuki finally managed to look Shizuru in the eye. "You know I never meant…to-"

"I know." Shizuru smiled sadly, "I'm sorry I ever put you in that position. I should have realized…" she held up the carving, "I've been looking at it wrong for years."

Natsuki looked at it too, "I hope you like it."

"I do, but I cannot keep it, Natsuki."

"Yeah, I know. But it was the only way I could think…I'm sorry I didn't realize back then; I really did love you."

"I know."

A few moments of relaxed silence passed.

"Tori seems really great."

"She is; she's the best thing that ever happened to me." Shizuru smiled.

"I'm glad."

"Did you ever find someone?"

Natsuki shrugged, "I met a few people, but it never seemed to work out, maybe someday."

"Are you going to leave again?"

"Not…not like I left last time. I never should have left like that, I'm moving back to town I think, if it's alright with you."

"Of course it is. I'd like to be your friend again."

Natsuki smiled, "Good." But after a moment she frowned slightly, "Damn…we really could have had something back then, couldn't we?" She gestured at the carving.

"Yeah, but what has passed is passed." Shizuru held it out, "Do you want to keep it?"

"No, I couldn't."

"Such workmanship though, I'd hate to see anything bad happen to it."

"It has passed, so I think it fitting of burial, don't you?"

"Like any person who has passed? Yes. Here?"

"I think so." Natsuki pulled out a pocket knife out, "Where exactly?"

"What are you going to use that for?"

"To loosen up the ground, make it easier to bury."

"Ah…" Shizuru looked around, "Under this tree, then."

Together they dug a shallow hole under the tree, and placed the carving inside. When it was covered, she took in a deep breath, "The wound has finally healed."

"Sorry it took so long."

"That's alright."

"I think I'll be going now, but I won't be far this time. I'll give you a call."

They hugged, both smiling.

"Goodbye, Natsuki."

As Natsuki walked away, Shizuru glanced down at the patch of earth, and placed her hand over her heart closing her eyes. She stood for a moment; then she walked out of the park, back to Tori; back to her life.


End file.
